Here's Everything You Should Buy Me for My Birthday

The boy deserves some swag!

Hey there, how have you been?! Sorry for the whole “going MIA” there for a minute…I was kind of hellbent on getting to 100K on TikTok and am almost there (91K as of this writing). But I will always love writing directly to you all and not having to jam pack what I want to say in rapid-fire 60 second clips. So thank you for your patience! And if that wasn’t enough to help you forgive my absence, it’s my birthday so Federal Law demands it. Anyway, let’s talk about some clothes.

I turn 31 today (and definitely am not concerned or feeling existential dread about that number!), so I wanted to do the only logical thing I could: rattle off a bunch of products that I wish I could buy myself or that, preferably, someone would buy me.

Enjoy and I promise we will talk soon!

Instead of buying any of the below stuff, please consider signing up for a paid subscription to this substack! Thank you!!!

Drake’s Crosby Desert Boots

$445, available at Drakes

I’ve consistently moved away from the sneaker game in recent months, and as I wrote in a previous ‘stack post, have been really re-embracing menswear classics. I think part of it has to do with getting older (fuck, here we go again…the dread! the doom!), but it’s been a minute since I had a pair of desert boots. I was a Clarks pioneer among my high school classmates (old guy reliving his high school days alert!), so does this qualify as a midlife crisis move? I don’t know, I just fuck with these boots and feel like I’d actually wear the shit out of them.

Todd Snyder Full Placket Knit Polo

$248, available at Todd Snyder

Todd Snyder’s SEO is fucking incredible because any time I search for anything their links are the first to come up. Linen shirt? Todd Snyder. Pleated pants? TS babyyyy. Anyway, point is I’ve seen this polo like 3x a week as I Google around for shit and it’s basically like Dickie Greenleaf’s knit polo without going for the exact replica Scott Fraser version. At this point I just wanna own it to get it out of my system.

CELINE HOMME Cowboy Boots

When you tell someone you’re gonna stick your boot up their ass, they better hope you don’t mean these ones.

$1,200, available at Mr Porter

Lexus IS500

So I actually had a Lexus IS350 which I sold a year ago because it was dummy expensive on the lease payments, but also because for 50 grand a car that puts out 300 horsepower with a slow 8 speed automatic just wasn’t it. The IS500 though has a naturally aspirated V8 putting down 472 horsepower and which would be insanely impractical in these $7 a gallon times. That’s why I’m leaning on you to help me out. Thank you and God bless!

$80,000, available at Edmunds

Gallery Dept Flare Jeans

What’s the deal with these? Are these just like recut Levi’s that they’re charging over a grand for? Even if not, jeans at this price are OD as fuck but I recently got a pair of Uniqlo flares to test the waters and I look damn good in em! I’m ready to level up.

$1,161, available at Farfetch

Magnoli Clothiers Rebel Jacket

I been doing this movie style thing for a minute (since basically the start of my career), and I know when a piece is impossible to wear without looking like cosplay (see: Ryan Gosling’s Drive jacket, even though many people are saying he is literally me fr). This one I think is just a classic jacket despite its iconic status in Rebel Without a Cause, and something I actually would wear, probably with classic raw denim jeans cause why not. Not very rebellious, I know, but what are ya gonna do.

$525 available at Magnoli Clothiers

The Real McCoys A-2 Bomber Jacket

I dedicated a long article to this one already, so if you want my deep dive on why this jacket has lead to my style reset I recommend popping over there for more elite/premium content. But basically this is one of those pieces of clothing that can make you feel good about espousing the dogma of “buy less but buy better” even as you add a jacket to the collection of 23 in your current rotation.

$1,951 available at The Real McCoys

Tom Sachs x Nike General Purpose Shoe

$600 resale? That ain’t even that serious when you consider the 2017s are going for 5 bands. Are these basically the swagified version of the J.Crew Nike specials? Sure! Would I actually wear them a lot? You bet.

$600 available at StockX