I Went to Dover Street Market and Didn't Buy Anything

But as is custom, I tried on everything.

I will be doing a Q&A post later this week. Type your questions in the comments below for consideration!

I went to Dover Street Market LA earlier today and, as I’ve been doing for almost 10 years, I didn’t buy a damn thing. I’d say if you totaled everything I’ve ever bought at DSM whether in New York or Los Angeles it would be less than $1,000, which considering I’ve probably stepped foot in the store(s) over 100 times is a terrible ROI on their end. Sorry, Rei!

While I wouldn’t say going into the store and not buying anything is a favorite past time (I truly wish I could buy everything), it’s certainly a common one. Still, the store remains a well curated (for the most part) assortment of a lot of high-end brands which makes it a great place to experience new product from these labels IRL.

So I stopped in today with the big homie (and noted suit god) Dave Schilling to walk around, try shit on, talk shit, and generally kill time while enjoying an adventure lost at sea among things I can’t afford. Sidebar: I actually got good service today from a gentleman whose name I can’t remember because I STINK at names, but I was shocked and pleasantly surprised!

Here’s how it went and a few notable pieces I would have considered copping if this Substack was even more on and popping and all of you were paying like, $10 a month. LOL.

Gucci Embossed Leather Blazer

This thing makes me feel like LA’s best coke dealer (save for whenever Pusha T is town). Unfortunately, it’s also $5,000 so fuuuuuuck that. But truthfully even if I did have the money, I think the fit could be better. It’s mad skinny and long and I am build like a bench-warming collegiate running back, not an NBA rookie.

Sacai x Acronym Jacket

Truly an insane garment that frankly I didn’t know existed. When did this collaboration happen? Was I sleeping? Anyway, this thing has so many pocket and zippers that I absolutely would lose my keys in it. Fire.

Noah Wetsuit

Fashion brands in New York have been trying to make surfing happen as long as I’ve been in the game (shout out to Saturday’s). Over ten years in though… still not sold! Surfing is awesome but you’re also basically naked when you do it so there’s no inherent drip (aside from, you know, the water). Also, very pronounced dick region on this thing, no? [note: I guarantee some surfer dude is gonna tell me why it’s necessary to have that and I just wanna say…don’t.] PS: God protect Robert Mueller.

Evan Kinori Shirt Jacket

The closest I came to actually buying something until I checked the price tag. This thing is $1,000 and as fire as it is (we love an understated flex from time to time), I couldn’t imagine dropping that kind of bread on something that would be difficult to wear during the day in LA. (Meaning I was already copping a schvitz.) Extremely good nighttime LA garment tho.

Rick Owens Disembodied Head

Dick Ovens remains a nutter. I love it.

Sacai Camp Collar Shirt

I’ll be interested to see if there’s any juice left in the tube (is that a thing people say?) on the whole camp collar trend this summer. I figured it was all but dead until I saw this shirt which is very good and $600. I think the colors make it not feel like every bozo Hawaiian shirt out there being worn by your life ruiner right now.