Nike Needs to Retro Everything Tiger Woods Has Ever Worn Right Now

My humble plea to the Swoosh gods.

I wrote a blog post earlier this week about how Tiger Woods was spotted wearing FootJoy Packard golf shoes at Augusta National, news which naturally caused panic among golf fans across the world who hang on Woods’s every move. (Me included, clearly.) The reasoning boils down to some version of Nike doesn’t make shoes that fit Tiger’s needs these days, as he requires more stability in his surgically repaired leg(s).

I like many others found it bizarre that Nike wouldn’t have developed a shoe in time that Woods felt he could wear, considering he is literally the sole reason anyone has ever cared about wearing Nike Golf anything. (No disrespect to the other athletes on the Nike Golf payroll, but, like, C’mon.) All of this speaks to a larger issue at Nike Golf, which is that plain and simple they don’t seem to care. The polos are each and ever year a re-hash of yoga-ready polyester fabrics in a mix of plain and dorky patterns, the shoes are running shoes with spikes, and though recently they’ve begun putting golf soles on Jordans, that trend is already feeling a little lame. (The second Bubba Watson starts wearing something, it’s safe to say it’s the beginning of the end.)

But I have the answer, and it doesn’t require bringing in any new designers or doing any collars. Nike simply needs to retro everything Tiger Woods has ever worn—including his shoes. Your average 10 handicapper doesn’t give a flying fuck about rocking shoes that have 10% more mid-foot stability or whatever—clearly the fact that they wanna wear Jordan IVs is evidence of this. So why not use the Jordan model and bring back some of the old shit, which 25 years since Tiger’s epic 12 shot victory at the Masters, is most certainly cool again?

Here are some of the things I’d bring back if I were Nike. I’m also open to taking a meeting with the fam up in Beaverton on this subject.

Nike Red Polo (1997)

The shirt Eldrick wore when winning his first major in 1997 is still one of the coolest shirts Nike has released to date. 25 years after the dominant 12 shot victory, the fact that Nike Golf didn’t release this to celebrate feels like a big ol’ miss!

Nike TW Zoom 2009 Shoes

About the closest things to the new FootJoys Tiger Woods has worn in his career. A traditional shape with a touch of modern day tech, these are timeless shoes. I know because I wore them for a decade before the sole fell off.

Nike Golf Hat (2000)

I owned this hat in 2000 and lost it at my friend John Grimaldi’s house. To this day I’m not sure if he actually stole it from me but I’m awfully suspicious. Anyway Nike gotta bring back this hat in a cotton material with this exact logo on the side.

Swoosh crewneck sweater (2000-present)

The fact that I can’t go on the Nike website and buy a wool crewneck sweater with a small Swoosh is insane. I would wear this thing, like, all of the time, and I’m sure others would too. I don’t need a sweater with a quarter zip or poly-blends and paneling on the sides. If this regular ass sweater is good enough for the goat it’s more than okay for me.

Blue ridged polo

Issey? That you? In an age when tight-fit DriFit golf polos are dominant, the sport, which has long been behind trends, is due for a fit recalibration.

Nike Zoom TW

Tiger’s first-ever Nike Golf shoe has elements of the Air Max 97. Again, 25th anniversary this year, people! People love retros! If you drop these tomorrow I will buy a pair.