Here's What The Fuck You Just Signed Up For

Welcome to a new hopefully enjoyable way to learn more about the stuff I like as well as read the general rantings of a taste-obsessed VERY EARLY 30s man.

First of all, congrats on being one of the first 500 subscribers to this Substack. You are one of The Few. The Proud. The Totally Fucking Awesome. Let’s all celebrate that we’re in here and everyone else from now on is gonna have to get invited. Yuck, right?

It’s been a while since I’ve made writing about stuff I like a regular thing. (Like really writing writing, not just Tweeting.) So apologies if I’m a tad rusty. Besides, how does one just start writing about anything when they kind of like everything? The idea of posting about whatever, especially in longer form like this, is kind of intimidating. If you know me at all, then you know throughout my career, I’ve written about basically everything—from sneakers to suits to music to movies to sports. But this feels different. I’ve got no “topic” or “beat” or “editor” pointing the windup toy that is my mind in any one direction. It’s a lot to process!

It’s no wonder that so many dudes before me have seen the cursor blinking at them on this website and thought…yes, cis white man, you can say whatever you want…your ideas are IMPORTANT. And you know, historically, that has lead to some pretty dogshit takes on here. So I’m fully aware that this whole Substack thing is a dangerous (and potentially ill-advised) amount of platform to just be offering up for free to dudes who look like me in the year of our lord 2022. So to be clear…

When I say I’ll be using this page to blog about anything, I mean like, I may occasionally feel compelled to say reckless things about how split-hem pants are THE ONLY PANTS I’LL BE WEARING THIS YEAR only to then shockingly not do that a week later. That’s about the threshold of Big Braindedness™ I’m gonna be doing.

But let’s cut to the chase of why you’re probably here. To be fair, maybe you clicked on this link by accident and have somehow managed to get a few paragraphs in. If that’s the case, amazing. Kick off your Balenci boots and stay a while. But let’s assume you meant to click and have a genuine interest in what kind of BLAZING HOT CONTENT to expect with this newsletter. Fair question!

Like all great performers, know I’ve emerged in my 30s with a Substack for the love of the game. However, unlike those terrible, ruthless, shameless capitalists, I’m not asking for any money from you at this moment. So for the time being, all of us can just sort of relax.

Ok, so I’ll level with you. I can’t promise that there won’t come a time when I’ll start the groveling, at which point you I’ll probably use every psychological tool in my arsenal to persuade to enter your credit card number and then hopefully you’ll forget to cancel your subscription :). But let’s cross that bridge when we get to it. Like many relationships I’ve been in, I want to earn your trust and make you feel safe before I completely disappoint you.

So, you’re reading this Inaugural Post™ the way it was intended to be read…for free…and maybe on the toilet. (As a wise man once said, “That’s where I think of the best shit.”)

Most posts after this one will deal with everything I’ve ever written about and more…sneakers, cars, style, music, movies, television, whatever. Sometimes the format will be like this, and sometimes it’ll feel more like a loosely sketched-out diary of some shit I did that week and I wanna share with more context than is tolerated on Instagram. I’ll even mix in some interviews from time to time, some guest blogs, etc.

I’m fully aware that in the age of the internet, everyone’s an expert on everything so no one’s an expert on anything, me included. I’ve always fancied myself more someone who wants to learn and wants to have a conversation than someone who has learned things I want to download onto others. What I can say though is I’m FIRED UP and reinvigorated about writing in this manner. Moreso, I’m truly grateful that you’d log on and enter your email address (objectively a pain in the ass thing to do!) to go on this journey with me towards…well…I guess we will find out.

Talk soon,

Jake.